I flinch when I tell people that I am unemployed, so now I’m saying, “I write for a website.”
I’ve also said, “I work from home.”
Additionally, “I consult.”
This period of my life is helping me to better understand what it feels like when I reorganize a department and eliminate jobs. It’s not that I didn’t have any empathy before my unemployment — but I didn’t have the kind of deep understanding that I have, right now.
I’m bigger than Human Resources (thank god), but the role of Corporate Slacker is tough to shake.
oh babe, you have nothing to be ashamed of. it’s purely circumstantial — a realm outside of your control. so many close friends and family members have been laid off within the past 2 years, it’s hard for me to keep count. but eventually they’ve landed on firmer ground. you’ll get there too, and hopefully with a new level of self-awareness. life is so short. learning about ourselves and spending time with people we love are what’s most important, i think.
still, that doesn’t help your situation. but i hope you can shake the shame. the fact that you’re able to identify and articulate it so openly is very healthy. it’s the first step in working thru it.
hi. col is smart.
xo
ps ~ i’ve learned to hate it when people ask me what i do.
(in my case, my job, which is just a “job,” is complicated to explain & people’s eyes inevitably glaze over after approx seven seconds.)
i understand it’s a relevant question (mostly), but it is certainly loaded for many people. what happens when we hang our identity on our job or career … & then it’s gone? like a divorce. we have to ease into whatever our new role in the world is going to be. & movement in this realm is usually very uncomfortable.
my advice is to fashion a response you love & use it.
(of course this comes from someone who’s been trying to “fashion a response” about her mother sitch for years now.)
focus on letting go of the shame if you can. because there’s no shame in working your ass off enough to even be able to spend some months reconfiguring your goals.
& stuff.
I nominate col for psychotherapist of the year.
I nominate gemellen for psychotherapist of the millennium.
Maybe I need to have a contest: Choose my unemployment identity for me. The best line wins.
PS - Thanks, ladies. I feel better.
Unfortunately, I can say from repeated experience that it takes a while for those feelings to go away. Emotions & logic so don’t mix.
I can’t think of anyone who hasn’t ended up better off in the long run, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck!
~B
PS - You’ll never look at listerine the same!
B — You are right about emotions, logic, and listerine!
I used to tell people I was an unemployed bum. A professional one.
And then I’d quickly follow it up with “unemployed bum, seeking work in children’s publishing.”
Yeah, I wasn’t sorry for those days to end.
Kid - I love unemployed bum. I might use it and say, “I’m seeking work at a retail store with a good discount in time for the holiday shopping season.”
I quit a job last year and took time off before starting to work again. Because I felt that I had made a choice to be “unemployed,” I never felt like I needed to use the term. I told people that I was taking time off and exploring my options as to what I wanted to do next. Have you thought about using that as an answer?
Lea — I like that answer because it’s honest, true, and is much more positive. I’ll try it.