2023 Regrets

I always end the year by writing about my accomplishments, failures, regrets, and resolutions. I love this time of year because the calendar naturally motivates me to reflect and act. This post is all about 2023 regrets.

This year, I spent a regrettable amount on skincare, including Botox, fillers, serums, eye creams, lip creams, lasers, and facials. Also, let’s not pretend it was just 2023. This has been going on since I turned 40. What can I say? I operate at the intersection of capitalism and patriarchy, and it’s got me by the jowls.

I never wanted to be someone who cared about her skin, but as I started noticing the natural aging process taking its course on my face, I realized that benign neglect and a lack of sunscreen were catching up to me. I told myself that I wasn’t being vain. I was merely seeking “healthy” skin. But that’s a lie. The “healthy” skin concept is deceptive, as there’s no universal standard. Skin is skin, and while medical conditions can arise, aging is an inherent aspect of life, not a flaw needing correction.

In reality, my substantial investment in skincare stems from my desire to defy ageism and sexism, as I still strive to meet conventional attractiveness standards set by people I neither know nor care about. It’s both absurd and profoundly human, and I deeply regret it all. Nevertheless, I am on the heels of my second Tixel laser treatment out of three. So, here we are.

Rainer Wilke wrote, “Beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror, which we are still just able to endure, and we are so awed because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.” Whew, ain’t that the truth? But, several years ago, my colleague Bill Kutik saw this fear of aging in public bubbling up in me and said, “Beauty fades, but ideas endure.”

Let’s hope he is right. Nobody will remember whether or not I have hyperpigmentation or wrinkles, but I hope they remember that your work is not your worth. God knows your skin, size, shape, hair, teeth, smile, posture, clothes, or any other attritbute is not your worth, either.