laurie ruettimann punk rock hrPeople often ask, “How do you crack the code on social media and become #BusinessFamous?”

That’s a terrific question, and the answer is simple: “Write a non-controversial, imaginary question from a fictional person. Then post a seemingly insightful answer on your social media profiles. Naturally, people crave your made-up advice. That stuff is digital gold!”

The best-manufactured questions allow you to address a topical theme in the market, grab some good SEO juice, and make it seem like many people care about your opinion. I personally love it when people write, “Someone stopped me at the airport to ask…” or “I got an email from a reader who wanted to know…”

Did that really happen? Who cares, as long as you can get to the broader point about yourself and how #BusinessFamous you really are.

Crafting the Perfect Post

Step two is attaching an eye-catching photo. So, it helps to be conventionally good-looking. Bonus points if you’re wealthy, successful, self-employed, and in a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship with someone photogenic. Extra credit if you discuss mental health while traveling to stunning locations to improve your well-being.

I also recommend being tall. Not too tall, but more than the average peasant. I’m not very tall, but I am incredibly alluring and young. And I have great taste in music, creative friends, and a lot of money in my well-structured financial portfolio because I follow the F.I.R.E movement without cutting back on my spending. That’s why people want to read my #BusinessFamous posts.

Boosting Your Image

But what if you’re an average-looking and ordinarily-sized person who isn’t wealthy or successful? And what if you don’t ski or go to the beach? Can you still be internet famous?

Well, it depends. What do you mean by average-looking? You can get away with plenty if you’re a 5 out of 10 or higher — especially in the Midwest.

Let’s explore this another way. Are you somewhat attractive? Do you have one good feature that isn’t your personality? Thankfully, there’s hope. Makeup, filters, and haircuts can work wonders. You can also like and subscribe to those DIY YouTube tutorial channels to improve your overall look. After all, style only sometimes comes naturally.

Finding Your Niche

While working on your physical appearance, set up a home office with bookshelves and a decent ring light from Amazon. As long as it doesn’t scream IKEA (even though it’s totally IKEA, and we all know it). Don’t just take awkward selfies and post them like a rube. Add quotes from famous business leaders for good measure.

Thankfully, my office is effortlessly styled with high-class items from the most prestigious furniture houses. No Wayfair for me!

Creating a Viral Well-Being Challenge

If internet fame still eludes you, create a viral well-being challenge. Frame it as a way to overcome personal trauma. Encourage your professional connections to share their harrowing stories online while reading a self-help book from a best-selling author you’ve never met (but hope will like your post). Who needs psychological safety and trigger warnings when internet fame is so close at hand?

Staying Positive Isn’t Toxic

Now, if your finished product isn’t gaining traction, don’t fret. You can always write about your experiences as a working parent, pet-loving entrepreneur, or even a corporate intrapreneur who runs marathons to escape the crushing blow of their existence. People sympathize with tired, overworked white-collar staffers who can’t find the ever-elusive balance at the office. It’s too bad the hashtag #MeToo is already taken because that would’ve been perfect.

Want to take your content to the next level? Here’s a secret: People love professionals who talk about finally going to therapy, adopting a sober-curious mindset, or overcoming disordered eating while still looking thin. None of that applies to me because I don’t have any disorders.

Becoming #BusinessFamous

So, can you truly become #BusinessFamous?

Absolutely! You’re good enough. Just follow the steps above and learn the art of buzzwords. Then, write articles filled with ambiguous advice that sounds profound. Remember, the less specific, the better. The goal is to appear clever without saying anything helpful. If you’re looking for examples, go to your favorite social media platform and type in #burnout, #keynotespeaker, or #leadership, and copy the language and structure of the post. Voila, you’re #BusinessFamous!

Next-Level Fame: Brand Partnerships

Once you’re #BusinessFamous, prepare for the spellbinding world of brand partnerships. Have you ever wanted to pretend you’re interested and compelled to change the world through content marketing or B2B sales? Do your friends want to buy SaaS marketing automation tools? Now’s your chance to blow their minds and look impressive. You can promote everything from podcasts to webinars and mastermind groups.

Don’t be intimidated by the FEC warnings. Rules are for suckers. Just don’t forget to use #ad in your captions to give your followers a hint that you might be getting paid (even though you’re not).

Dream It, Do It

Follow these simple steps, and you’ll be #BusinessFamous in no time. You’ll be the envy of your former colleagues, drowning in likes and living the dream life of an influencer. And if you’ve got your own tips for becoming #BusinessFamous, feel free to share them with us. We can all bask in the glow of virtual adoration together!

Because, after all, who needs real human connection when you have a never-ending stream of online validation?