Do you remember your first meeting? I do. I was at Monsanto. We were talking about staffing. I didn’t know what to do. I just sat there with a pen in my hand looking ridiculous.

Remember the days when meetings were over fast? Or when you could make up a lie, walk out of a meeting, and nobody noticed because nobody cared about you? Remember when meetings were called by someone else, and you were like — Sheesh, glad I’m not the nerd who needs to call a meeting every time my self-esteem needs a boost. Sucks to be that guy.

I hate people who cancel meetings at the last minute. My favorite is when I get a cancelation notice via email, but I don’t read it until I’m seated and ready for the meeting. Wait, remember when it wasn’t okay to start meetings eight minutes late, either? When meetings weren’t on Skype and didn’t resemble Taliban hostage videos?

I miss the days when someone would ask me a question, I would answer it, and no meeting was required because I was fully empowered to be an authority on something, and I didn’t need a committee to make a god damn decision.

I’m also nostalgic for a time in my life when meetings happened over coffee. Or ice cream. Or during lunch and someone else was paying. Or over secret mimosas and it wasn’t a meeting — it was the beginning of a friendship at work.

And speaking of mimosas — remember when nobody made a big deal about drinking beer at work because nobody really drank at work? Like, who wants to drink beer at work? At your desk? With email? Jesus, are you an alcoholic? You need beer at work?

Uh, yeah, let’s just drink beer at a bar after-hours like normal fucking people. Then go home to your life. That’s how this works. We’re adults.

Oh man, those were great days. Back in the day. You know, that day back in the [whatever decade] when we used to have fun at work. Or something like that. I don’t know — it’s always been work. It just seemed to take less effort, back then.