The other morning, I watched middle-school boys march to school.
They were a loud gaggle of arms and legs and energy moving on impulse and swinging backpacks and books by their fingertips. These boys laughed and screamed and slammed themselves into one another like waves in the ocean as if their bodies existed only to express temporary impulses and actions.
I felt for those boys. Today, it’s homework and video games and YouTube clips. It’s gym class and sports heroes and eating the sourest gummy candy you can find. In less than a few years, it will be a full onslaught of human sexuality that’s confusing, shameful, and curated by adults who don’t know what the hell they are doing.
It will fuck up these boys hard.
As I watched, I thought of my role in the #MeToo movement. I’ve been quoted in the media on workplace harassment, and I appreciate the opportunity to discuss how the workforce fails women and PoC. While my professional opinion is limited to the workforce, I see the #MeToo movement as an example of how we fail to teach kids, and, further, young boys, about the privileges and responsibilities of human sexuality and power.
If we teach them anything at all, it’s an old curriculum based on biology and moral values that aren’t universal. We don’t explain and show emotion, empathy, and kindness to other living beings. It’s procreation and guilt, with sneaky access to internet porn on the side. Then we throw these kids to the wolves — schools, churches, work environments that still run in misogynistic and racist ways — and expect them to figure it out for themselves.
What’s missing from these kids’ lives is an ongoing conversation about the complexities of society and human identity. What’s missing is a coach and a mentor who’s available to offer loving, gentle, non-judgmental advice. What’s missing is someone who gives a shit about character and invests in us in the long term.
Adults are missing this guidance, too.
The current discussion of #MeToo encapsulates many essential issues like sexual harassment, workplace harassment, sexual assault, and violence. We have so many problems that need our attention, and it’s the first time we’ve had “the internet” for the articulation of stories, opinions, and ideas.
How can you not support this outpouring of expression?
But the #MeToo conversation online is often incomplete, fractured, and takes place behind masks and aliases. Then, when the discussion feeds into our real lives, it’s nothing more than an insufficient antidote to the toxic environment in which many of us live and work.
I love that the #MeToo movement has become a lightning rod for real debate about a series of issues. It’s vital to talk about what’s next and creating action plans that protect people from abuse and violence. But the #MeToo movement is only the first step in ending issues such as workplace harassment, rape, and abuse. And it’s too small of a label for individual problems that, themselves, deserve campaigns and hashtags.
When I looked at those young boys walking to school, I felt for them. There’s no end date for the #MeToo movement. As these kids grow into adolescence and adulthood, many of us will still be online — telling our truths and sharing our stories — while these kids struggle to make sense of it all.
As leaders, we need to get clearer on what we’re talking about and how to fix. Sexual harassment, domestic violence, pay inequality, lousy sex, regret, abuse, and assault are connected by a loose thread of powerful people who lack empathy and think it’s okay to put their needs in front of others. And that loose thread won’t be cut online.
We need national and local leaders with excellent communication skills to lead us through this nuanced discussion of human psychology and sexuality. Women and people of color need truth and reconciliation committees, support groups and programs that aid in healing and repairing our workplaces and our lives. And we need compassion for ourselves and one another as our friends and colleagues come to understand their past behaviors in a new light.
Those of us in leadership roles need to step up and help organize these serious discussions. We need to move the discussion from Twitter and Facebook to real-life action plans in households, schools, and work environments. And we need to pick up the pace.
The #MeToo movement is a start. But it’s time to think about what’s next. If you’re reading my blog, you’re the person to do it. We need you to craft plans for future generations of girls and people of color who deserve to find passion and meaning in their lives. We need you to be the change and implement the change. Most of all, we need you to get moving.
And we really need it for boys, too.