Otherness During the Holiday Season

It’s December. As always, I am surrounded by the familiar yet distant ambiance of the holiday season.

I like cookies and twinkling lights, but as a non-theist and middle-aged woman without children, the contrast between my personal beliefs and lifestyle and the cultural and religious celebrations all around me becomes starkly apparent as we get closer to December 25th. 

This time of year always brings me back to a concept that resonates deeply with me: Otherness.

Understanding Otherness

Otherness is a multifaceted feeling of being separate from the dominant group, often arising from cultural differences, beliefs, or identity. It manifests in various ways: social exclusion, lack of representation, cultural dissonance, self-identity conflict, and often, an empathy and understanding gap. These feelings can be amplified during the December holidays, traditionally laden with specific cultural and religious practices.

The end-of-year holidays can highlight and sometimes exacerbate a sense of otherness. Cultural and religious differences become more pronounced. Family dynamics might accentuate feelings of disconnection, and societal pressures to conform can lead to increased stress and anxiety. 

For someone like me, who navigates these times without a religious compass or kids to distract me, it often feels like a struggle between participation and authenticity. Sometimes, I’m not asked to participate at all. 

The Role of an Employer

Otherness doesn’t just affect random bloggers and strange women on the internet. It’s happening to people in your workplace who may participate in all the holiday rituals but mask their feelings. They’re drinking eggnog and laughing at your ugly sweater, but they’re also wondering why their coworkers, who know they’re not Christian, aren’t asking about how they plan to spend their day off. 

Leaders and employers have a significant role in mitigating feelings of otherness. They can:

1. Promote Inclusivity in Celebrations: Make sure celebrations are inclusive and respectful of diverse cultures, beliefs, abilities, and lifestyle choices. 
2. Facilitate Open Communication: Encourage discussions about holidays and traditions (or lack thereof) in teams to understand diverse needs and preferences.
3. Provide Flexible Options: Give people the choice to say no. Offer flexibility in holiday participation, acknowledging diverse perspectives. 
4. Support Mental Health: Recognize the holiday season’s stress for all people, even those who are indifferent to a God concept, and provide benefits, resources, and support for improved mental health.
5. Model Inclusive Behavior: Demonstrate respect for all cultures and traditions, including those who don’t have any traditions.
6. Educate About Diversity and Inclusion: Organize training sessions on cultural competency and diversity during the holidays and all year-round.
7. Recognize and Address Bias: Proactively identify and address biases or stereotypes within the organization. And remember that it’s never cool for a manager to yell MERRY CHRISTMAS after a colleague chooses to say, “Happy Holiday.”
8. Encourage Community Service: Organize volunteering events for community engagement and to foster a sense of belonging that taps into the spirit of generosity.
9. Check-in with Individuals: Personal connections and check-ins can help individuals feel valued and seen—in December and beyond.

Peer Leadership Matters, Too

As peers, we also play a crucial role:

1. Be Inclusive: Don’t assume people either celebrate Christmas or Chanukkah. If your whole office has the day off, get curious and ask people how they plan to spend the day. Some of us like to go to Waffle House for breakfast.
2. Respect Diversity: Show genuine interest in learning about various cultures and traditions or being equally interested when someone has no tradition at all. 
3. Offer Support: Be a supportive listener and ally when your old pal Laurie Ruettimann is sick and tired of hearing Christmas music in the office lobby in 2006. Don’t tell people, “Ruettimann is the living embodiment of the war on Christmas.” (I wish!)

Personal Coping Mechanisms

I’m gifty. Acts of service are my love language, and I like to buy things for people. So, I fight back against the feeling of otherness during the holidays by leaning into my personality and making specific choices with my time and money that are authentic to my values. In years past, I’ve also reached out for support, participated in holiday events on my own terms, set boundaries, sought out like-minded people, and engaged in self-care. These strategies helped me navigate this complex season. 

Over time, I’ve come to view my otherness not as a burden but as a unique lens through which I experience the world. This perspective has become a source of strength and self-awareness, enabling me to engage with the holiday season on my own terms, finding joy in ways that resonate with my values.

Oh, and being my own Santa helps, too. I like nice things.

We’re All “Others”

If you’re reading this and find echoes of your experience in my words, know that you are not alone. And just because you never felt “otherness” during Christmas doesn’t mean that you never will. Heck, you might feel it on January 1st for unrelated reasons. None of us are immune to being excluded in our lifetimes.

I’ve learned to take December in stride. The holiday season, with all its complexity, offers us a chance to celebrate our diversity and learn from each other’s experiences. Let’s use this time to extend understanding, kindness, and inclusivity, creating a space where everyone can belong, in their own unique way.