Every summer, I belch and gag my way through Instagram and Facebook as I try to avoid pictures of your feet.
For real. You are all adults, and you should stop taking photos of your feet. This includes the men, by the way. I don’t mean to buy into gender stereotypes, but most dudes have no business snapping pictures of their toes.
(Even hot dudes.)
I always ask myself, “What are these feet photos all about? What’s the point? Is it sexual? Is it meant to display some kind of inner beauty?”
Then I throw up into a bucket and get on with my day.
Since y’all have punished me with the most disgusting photos of all time, I’m going to tell you about Yoga Toes. This product is the only thing that saves my feet from curling up and cramping after my long runs. I have to wear them every night for at least five minutes before I go to bed.
For real, they work like magic on my tired and sore dogs.
And because I hate all of you for your disgusting foot fetishes, here is a picture of me in my yoga toes as I type this.
(Shudder. Gag. Convulse. You bastards deserve it.)
If you’re a runner — novice, long-distance, pro — you need a pair of Yoga Toes. They will turn your life around. Just don’t look down at your feet while you’re wearing them.