My old speaking coach told me there are only so many spots on stage. While potential is limitless, the opportunities are not. You have to work hard on yourself, your messaging, your choreography, and your stories in order to earn the honor to take the stage and change the world.
Unfortunately, most brains are hardwired to be negative and the critical. Plus, the world can be mean and cruel. So, as much as possible, you need to surround yourself with people who love you and think the sun and moon rise and set with your presence. It’s not that they need to be an irrational hype squad (okay, maybe they do, life is full of contradictions), but they must be overwhelmingly in your court and hyper-invested in your ability to do great things.
The people around you? They can’t be the ones who “keep you grounded” because, as a speaker, you’re already grounded in your own limitations and, also, by the regular reminders that you suck. They’ve got to always and forever whisper in your ear: keep going, you’re amazing, you look terrific on that stage, you probably deserve an A+, and the world needs you. At the very least, they can never put you in a position to doubt yourself.
I call Ken after every speech, and he asks me what went well. When I balk, he’s got the script to lift my spirits. And if that doesn’t work because I’m too negative, I call Jennifer McClure. Those two have my back.
And it’s your job as the speaker to cultivate that crowd, make it clear in your relationships, and tell the people you love that you need more of it, not less.
A while back, a longtime colleague came to see me speak and laughed at something awkward I said on stage. Actually, he laughed more at the way I said it. Then he told me how funny it was to see me up there like that. He never acknowledged that maybe his opinion was wrong. Or maybe other people thought everything I did was awesome. Also, maybe having him in the audience was part of what made it awkward. So I told him that.
Expressing these thoughts? Well, that’s being ugly-vulnerable. But once I started doing that, I could feel how much more I benefited from the right people in the room asking me, “What do you need so that you can be great?”
There are only so many spots on stage. To grab them, you need your life designed accordingly. If you want a career on stage, you need a life that supports every part of that goal. I’ll never go back to living in a world where people I love feel the need to keep me humble. Neither should you!
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