Punk Rock HR Episode 102:
My guest today is Michael Bungay Stanier, author of The Advice Trap. Today, he helps us think differently about advice, giving advice, and receiving advice. He also talks about some ways to avoid those pesky advice traps. Michael is also the author of The Coaching Habit, and his recent TEDx on how to take your advice monster is a must-watch. He’s got a ton of tips and resources, so be sure to check out the show notes for links to many of them. I have been following Michael for many years and was thrilled to have him as my guest. I hope you enjoy our conversation.
In this episode you’ll hear:
- Michael’s attempt at creating a coaching practice and his discovery that he didn’t enjoy coaching people all that much.
- How Michael helps people stay curious a little bit longer.
- Coaching is not an occasional formal intervention.
- Helping you reframe your default response to advice-giving.
- We discuss the magic of social contracting.
- And, how to tame your advice monster.
HOW CAN ONE STAY CURIOUS AND HELP WITH ADVICE-GIVING?
Michael has three principles he follows. They include:
- Be lazy.
- Be curious.
- Be often.
Being curious helps you to tame your advice monster. It means, ask more questions. Don’t rush to give advice back and move to action a little more slowly.
IS MICHAEL ANTI-ADVICE?
Here is Michael’s response: “Advice is excellent. I’m pro-advice. Don’t get me wrong. There’s no way I’m saying stop giving anybody advice, ever. Everybody will hate you. That is one of your jobs. I mean, Laurie and I have a podcast going on right here which is loaded with advice. So we are pro advice. What we’re trying to tackle is your default response to advice-giving.”
WHAT IS SOCIAL CONTRACTING, AND HOW CAN IT BE HELPFUL IN A LEADERSHIP OR MANAGERIAL ENVIRONMENT?
According to Michael, “Social contracting allows staff, co-workers, and leaders to talk about the relationship again when a relationship goes wrong because it will go wrong. That’s the nature of relationships, they always go off the rails, sometimes badly, sometimes a little bit. But you’re giving each other permission to say, it’s okay for us to talk about how we’re doing together. And it creates resilience to the relationship you might not always have, and to bring it to specifically to the conversation around.”
Resources from this episode: