I’m a vegetarian and people always offer me a salad. You know what? Fuck salad. Lettuce is barely a green. Why don’t you offer me a saggy strip of wallpaper from your guest bathroom? That would be more delicious. Also, do you know the markup on lettuce? It’s picked and packaged by undocumented and underpaid…
There was a time in my life when I worked in HR and people asked me to write performance improvement plans for a living. I would be like — Is it 1963? Am I your secretary? And do I look like I know anything about your jacked up employee? But, more importantly, I have no…
What would you do if everybody hated you? Well, everybody does hate you if you work in human resources. * Employees hate you for being an administrative obstacle. What? They can’t sleep late and take mental health days? Why you gotta be like that? All bossy & stuff? * Supervisors hate you because they can’t…
I’m on record telling everybody that the current trend of “culture” is a bunch of baloney. You don’t have a culture. At best, you may have a vibe in your office that’s influenced by real-time employee interactions, systems and behaviors. That’s not culture. That’s just a bunch of people who are paid to come together…
I’ve been doing more media, lately, and I just thought it would be amusing to share some of those links. The Office Pet Is a Pig. No, Really – WSJ How to get that promotion you’ve been waiting for – Mashable How to Determine Your PTO Policy – Entrepreneur 11 Habits of Expert Salary Negotiators –…
Sarcastic people are often passive-aggressive. Snarky people are often right. Remember that the next time you call someone snarky and mean it as an insult.
I’ve been blogging about human resources, in one capacity or another, since 2004. While I’m the first to indict human resources for its stupid behaviors, I also serve as a character witness for the men and women who are in office parks and factories around the world—serving leaders and employees who don’t deserve their genius.…
Years ago, I went to college in London. I roomed with a girl from Boston. Her name was Valerie. Valerie was dating a boy who was, in my totally uninformed opinion, a big sack of wheat. There was another boy in her life, Tom, who seemed to love her dearly. He called long-distance—because that was…
Do you have an iPhone 5 or 5s? You’re probably like one of my friends who thinks your phone is slow, or your photos look blurry compared to what you see on Facebook and Instagram. And maybe you’re now waiting for the new iPhone 6s so you can upgrade to a better device—and a better…
There’s one thing you need to know about me: I get Jim Rohn and Jim Rome confused. (One dude is a leadership guru. The other dude is an ESPN guy or something.) And there’s another thing you need to know: I love Jim Rohn quotes, but I don’t always get them right. (Close enough, I…
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